Judgement Call: Ripping one at the urinal

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Dr. Stephen Sphincter          2:45 p.m. May 13

to Uncle Skaggs, Fiber MacGyver

Set up: Two crappers, one urinal.

Situation: There's a dude in the handistall* and I know who it is. Despite the fact that I could drop a load, I'm going to yield to him and let him do his business - in other words, this is not going to be a hostile event. So I defer and go to the urinal. Still, I kinda wished I could have beefed one there just to relieve some pressure. What's the ruling on that? If someone is on the shitter, can you rip a fart at the urinal? And if the pooper is bombing turds and or farts, does that give you more right?

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 Fiber MacGyver                        5:31 p.m. May 13

to Dr. Stephen Sphincter, Uncle Skaggs

Juice it. But if you are worried the bomber has a positive ID on you, then hold it.

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Dr. Stephen Sphincter         7:06 p.m. May 13

to Uncle Skaggs, Fiber MacGyver

There is a Wide Gap** in the handistall - you know what I'm talking about. There is very little transparency going on there. The good news is the male-to-female ratio in my office is very favorable to the Poop Wars***.

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Uncle Skaggs                        7:40 p.m. May 13

 to Dr. Stephen Sphincter, Fiber MacGyver

Always tough. In "public," when no one knows you, it's easy - you just light 'em up and ask no questions. But say in front of this guy at work, say you can't hold in the beef for whatever reason... What do you do? Say "oh sorry 'bout that"? "Excuse me"? Or "damn!" Or is it better to just act like it didn't happen?

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Verdict: It's OK to let one rip anywhere in the bathroom. In a men's room, the urinal is even more of a safety zone, and in that area anything goes.

Glossary terms:

*Handistall: The biggest stall in a bathroom, sometimes comes with a sink.

**Wide Gap: That annoying space between the doors of a stall. Usually happens with a Handistall, almost always seems to happen at a strip club.

***Poop Wars: The general term for the strategies and head games that take place in public bathrooms.